I've become obsessed with Hilary's FUPA (ghetto slang for "Fat Upper P**** Area -- I know there's gotta be a better substitute for the P word – Pubic? Private? Pouchy (pron.:Pu-chee)?) and her camel toe that she sports 80% of the time I've seen her on TV!! She wears LIGHT colored pants buttoned up OVER the FUPA and has a camel toe?!?! I swear if she turned around we'd see her GI-normous granny panties and VPLs!! (oh, visible panty lines - boys don't know what those are, but girls do).

 How can she rule a country when she can’t rule her pants? Does she dress in the dark? I'm baffled. I mean she has to have people who are responsible for her appearance.   Every time I see her, I lose more faith in her. Call me shallow, I don't care. I'm a patriot. She's representing me and my country. Oh and PS, what the hell is going on with her goofy hair? We're not Great Britain for Christ's sake!! We are the country that produced the hottest fat chick around - Anna Nicole.

Certainly if we are choosing a female representative, she's got to look good - it's imperative! Maybe she's sporting the camel toe in an effort to prove she's got balls. I don't know. Maybe it's like some warped intimidation thing, like if she goes out looking like that - she's really saying, "if I'm crazy enough to do this, you bet I'll be tough on crime" - that must be it - like Mel in the 1st Lethal Weapon - nobody wanted to mess with Riggs because they knew he was crazy enough to shoot. Hilary is the new Riggs...I have to believe that, else I'll have to be true to myself and vote Obama.

Have we not learned anything from the Kennedy era? I want Camelot. I want a hottie president, girl or guy. I miss Bill Clinton's rock star presidency. I consider myself a true American, and I just can't be represented by a dowdy frumpy, middle-aged+ lady. I am the masses. I am middle America. I buy the sandwich maker off the TV and let it sit in my cabinet. I hang my coat on that Gazelle walking machine that's collecting dust in my TV room while I eat fake out (yes fake out, it's like take out, but I didn't call it in, I defrosted it and microwaved it, it's still crap that I shouldn't be eating, but it's yummy and I'm not that fat).   I vote for the candidate that looks good and sounds good, regardless of what is actually being said (praise Jesus).

 Hilary - pay attention, listen up, get yourself together girl. Take two weeks off and get a tummy tuck. You'll thank me for it. Nobody likes a smart girl unless she's cute too. It's a lot easier to hear what you're saying if I stop looking at your pants like a traffic accident that I can't tear my eyes away from - I'd like to show people a ginormous blow up picture of Hilary and ask them what they think about her camel toe/FUPA situation and if that will influence their vote. If they are real Americans like me, it will.